One week ago today my life changed forever.
I have written, erased, and written this blog many times. I'm not quite sure how to put something that has been so life-altering into words. You always hear of other people having those moments. You just never think it will be you.
I'm a planner, always have been. Ryan is moving this Sunday to Plainview for 5 weeks. He has to go for school, so I planned out my life for the next 5 weeks to keep myself busy while he was gone. I planned out what I would spend my time doing this summer. I planned out what our life will look like when he graduates. I planned out our children and our future. I planned, but then one week ago, plans changed.
One week ago, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. In one single moment, plans changed. For a planner, being helpless is the worst possible thing. To say that my world crashed a bit would be an understatement. This 'perfect' world I had planned crashed.
I can't plan our way out of this, but have finally been able to do something I have always struggled with- letting go and letting God. In this past week, I have come to the end of myself so. many. times. but He has been faithful to pick me up and hold my hand during the darkest days of my life so far. I can't answer or fix the questions and fears we have, but I can trust that He set this road out for us and He is walking down it with us. I have prayed like I never have in my life. I have realized just how helpless I am and how much I need Him. It is a constant struggle, but He has been so faithful.
So many of you have called, texted, facebooked, or said a prayer for us. We can never tell you how thankful we are and how much we covet your continued prayers. We are hopeful to meet with an oncologist this next week. We are praying that God would lead us to the right doctor, and that we would be able to come up with a treatment plan to beat this. We are also praying that the Lord would continue to reveal himself to us, that we would continually praise Him for the faithfulness He has already shown us, and that we would seek ways to give Him glory through this and to draw closer to Him. We are also pleading to Him for healing. Thank you for remembering us.
I'm not even going to try to plan when I will be crafty again. Maybe soon, but who really knows.